Day 4 (Sunday - March 30, 2014)

Now I am depressed. I should know by now not to believe fuckin doctors. Doctor Tadjalli, the plastic surgeon comes by today. She changes her mind. She says she is still doing the first part of the surgery. She is going to cut out all the infected stuff out but she is not doing the second part. She is not closing iit up with a skin flap.

She tells me its basically because I smoke and with my crazy wacky lifestyle it is not conducive the success of the surgery. This is bullshit because just yesterday she says she is doing it.

The best I can tell she does not want to do it because I am on Medicaid or higher ups give her the orders. I have run into this before with doctors and surgeons. They tell me all these great medical procedures they are going to do for me and then never do it. They just keep setting up appointments and literally make you wait for years waiting for me to die or just keep putting it off until I end up half dead somewhere and another more charitable minded surgeon takes up the case.

What bothers me the most is the dishonesty. If you are not going to do the procedure do not tell me you are going to do it or make up bullshit reasons why you are not doing it. Do not blow smoke up my ass.

At least she stillthe first part tomorrow. She says she cuts all the infected stuff out of there then puts a wound vac on it which speeds up the healing process of the open wound.

As the day goes on I am less depressed, because I hear good things about this wound vac. It really does speed up healing, almost like a mini barometric chamber. And I know from past experience that even if I do get the skin flap, I still have to lay in bed for six to eight weeks while the new skin heals and takes hold before I can actually sit on it. But with the wound vac its basically the same time frame. I still have to stay in bed for six to eight weeks. So its about the same basically.

At least she goes right to work tomorrow and they put a wound vac on it. I went through this process before where they literally left me hanging for a year and a half. They kept promising they would do surgery or put a wound vac on it but never did.

So I basically stay in bed and have an open wound for a year and a half until it gets infected and I end up almost dead from infection and by matter of necessity I go to a different hospital close to home.

The name of this hospital is Saint Joseph’s. They take pity on me. They treat the infection. Here I meet a more philanthropic compassionate plastic surgeon who without hesitation closes up the wound for me. To this day it holds just fine. No problems there whatsoever. The sore I have now is on a different part of my ass.

But this is why I know Tadjalli is blowing smoke up my ass about her reasons for not closing it up. I suspect it is insurance reasons. Missouri Baptist is more of a high end type hospital. I suspect the administration does not want to pay for some Medicaid loser to lay around there for six to eight weeks to heal when they can just patch me up, stabilize me and send me to a more long term type place that is more non for profit and conducive to people on Medicaid. Like St. Joseph’s Hospital.

But like I say, at least they are go right to work and do something. They are actually planning for my next place to go to - the more long term place, which is a lot more than they do in the past. Where they basically just treat the infection and let me go home with an open wound not using a wound vac just so I end up half dead with infection.

Day 5 (Monday - March 31, 2014)

Today is surgery day. I know I have a long period of bed rest ahead of me. so to keep my upper body strength while laying in bed, on Friday mom brings weights from home. I work out with these from bed throughout the weekend. This helps not only my physical strength. It also helps my mood a lot. Because even working out from bed it feels like I do something. It feels good to work my muscles. It feels good to get my blood pumping. It feels good to get my mind off all the bullshit and just focus on the rhythmic motion of the pumping of the weight. It feels good to release the endorphins whilst working out, even from bed. Endorphins released by physical exertion - nature’s antidepressants.

I have a long wait. surgery is scheduled for 2 PM, which sucks because I cannot eat or drink anything since 12 AM in the morning up until the surgery. It is something to do with the anesthesia. I guess they do not want you to puke or whatever while you have that weird tube down your throat.

There is unsuspected good news. They are calling me down to surgery at 10:30 AM which is good because I do not have to wait around all day to get it done.

They take me down to pre-op. Tadjalli pops her head in to say hi before surgery. I am rather shocked by how different her personality is in the operating area. She is happy and excited and animated - almost jubilant. I guess she really loves her job. She is in her realm.

I find a lot of surgeons are like that. They are kind of mellow and subdued outside the operating room, but in the OR they are like giddy school girls. They cannot wait to start cutting on people. To each his own I guess.

They come into pre-op and shoot me up with some nice relaxing dope then wheel me into the OR and put me to sleep. I wake up an hour or so later and they shoot me up with more good dope for the pain, then wheel me up to my room in my bed. Viola! Surgery complete.

To my surprise, my aunt Kay, my mom’s sister is there in my room waiting with my mom. They are very close. I think she came more to support my mom, but that is cool. I like my aunt Kay. it is good to see her.

They tell me tomorrow, the GI guy is consulting me to see about giving me a colostomy bag. Everyone seems to think this is a good idea since I have problems with skin breakdown on my ass the last four or five years, and being incontinent, sitting in shit is very bad for skin breakdown.

By the way I feel the difference immediately from the surgery. Its like she cut a huge chunk of evil matter out of my ass. Right away I notice there is less pain even after surgery and I even physically feel better.

Day 6 (Tuesday - April 1, 2014)

I meet another full of shit dick doctor guy today. He is an asshole. He is the dickhead GI doctor who is supposed to give me the colostomy bag but he says he cannot do it for some bullshit reason. He says it is more trouble than it is worth which is bullshit. Even the other doctors try to talk him into it. Its a simple procedure.

Once again he just does not want to do it because I am on Medicaid and he knows I am not there long. So he stalls until I am shipped off to the other place and then it becomes somebody else’s problem.

I cope with the stress of dealing with these lying assholes with the aid of this cool therapy channel I discover on the hospital TV in my room. It is very soothing. It is nothing but ocean vistas, mountains and streams and nature and stuff. It is cool. This channel is all I watch the whole time I am there. It helps take my mind off the shit storm going on around me.

I have an idea to make a movie of my whole hospital stay while I am laid up. I figure this will keep me busy and may even be kind of fun and therapeutic for me while I am healing up. So my mom says she will pick up a camera for me. The idea of Lamsonacare the movie is born.

The therapists come by today to get me out of bed, which seems kind of dumb to me because I just have surgery the day before and I have a wound vac on my ass. So I tell them I do not think it is a very good idea, but check with my doctors. If they say it is ok I do it.