Day 9 (Friday - April 4, 2014)

My mom brings me this very cool new Sony camcorder to make my Lamsonacare movie with. It is very cool. I like it. It takes me awhile to learn how to use it but I finally figure out at least how to record with it. I record my first little installment of Lamsonacare the movie.

A lady comes to my room. She is a representative of one of these long term care facilities the social worker tells me about yesterday. This lady represents a place called kindred and says they have a bed there for me if I am interested. I am. She says the name of this place is Kindred. She says it is is like a little hospital inside a hospital. Apparently they have their own little wing of a hospital called St. John’s. This is coincidental in two ways. First, the hospital is located almost right next door to Missouri Baptist, which is where I am at right now; Second, St. John’s is actually where I was born - where young baby Lamson came into the world.

So I am thinking for this Lamsonacare movie I am making about my stay in the hospital, this could be a whole full circle ironic twist kind of thing. So I tell her okay I will go to this place. I am supposed to be taken there tomorrow via ambulance since I am stuck in this bed until my ass wound is healed.

The therapists come by to get me out of bed again. Right about the same time another lady shows up just as I get up into my chair. She is very attractive. It turns out she is also a representative of one of these long term care type facilities - the place called Select. I ask her if she did not hear I am already going to that Kindred place at St. John’s, but she says it is my choice.

So we talk and it turns out this Select place is located inside St. Joseph’s hospital. St. Joseph’s is in St. Charles, right down the road from where I live. All my friends and family are from St. Charles. So I figure this is great - a lot more convenient. I can even just take the bus home when I am released. Plus I am already familiar with the staff and stuff. I have been to this place before. So I decide to go there. I go there tomorrow.

The therapists are waiting there the whole time while we have our little chat. The Select representative lady leaves. On with the fucking physical therapy! I take a stroll through the hallways again. It is very refreshing. I am feeling good about all this. I am in a good mood.

To make matters better, since I was hurting and so miserable yesterday, they adjust my medication. so not only am I feeling less pain now, but I also have a pleasant laid back buzz going on. I am not even that disturbed when I see Doctor Orville Buttfucker come into my room. He is actually being nice. He asks me if I am having a better day, because the day before I was miserable and grouchy and told him to leave me alone as soon as he enters my room.

He goes on to tell me they are sending me to a longer term care facility tomorrow and I tell him I know, that I have already talked to the social worker and the different reps about it already. I cannot believe how nice Doctor O.R. is being today. I find it is that way a lot of times with asshole bully types. If you act like a fucking asshole toward them, they tend to actually act nice.

I guess because he knows how I feel about going to a nursing home, he starts very nicely explaining to me the difference between going to a nursing home and one of these long term care facilities. I let him know I know the difference and that I am cool with going to this Select place. We are actually being civil to each other.

Doctor O keeps being pleasant as he goes on to explain how he viewed the CAT scans of my lower body. Suffice it to say, for a crippled guy, I have been around a lot and done a lot of stuff, put my body through a lot of shit - lived hard There is a lot of damage down there - broken legs, broken hip, steel rod in my right femur.

So he starts to lecture me, but in a nice way. He basically concludes the lecture by saying, “You can probably stick around a while longer (by this, I assume he means staying in the land of the living), but you have to make some changes. You’re not 25 anymore.”

He then tells me before I go to this new place, since I’m on antibiotics for an extended period of time, until April 23rd to be precise, I have to have a pick line put in, which is basically an industrial IV from hell. It is a whole surgical procedure where they take this catheter and insert it surgically under your clavicle and then thread it in up this huge vein in your neck.

I have had the process done before, and the assholes like to tell you it does not hurt at all. You do not even have to be put to sleep. All they need is local anaesthetic and you do not feel a thing. All of this is bullshit of course. It hurts like hell and you can feel the creepy sensation of this tube going up the main artery in your neck.

So they take me down to another floor to do this procedure and I voice my concerns to the doctor. I ask him if there is any way I can get some sort of sedation for the procedure. He says yes but since I had already eaten and stuff that day, we reschedule for tomorrow, but I cannot eat or drink anything after midnight.

So I go back to my room. I eat dinner. I read. I watch the therapy channel. I get doped up. I go to sleep.

Day 10 (Saturday - April 5, 2014)

Bright and early, they take me down to get that pick line installed. They shoot me up full of really good dope. I do not fall asleep during the procedure but I am so high I do not really give a shit what is going on. I am so high, I am actually enjoying the procedure. I am almost a little disappointed when it is over.  

I go back to my room and wait for the ambulance to take me to Select at St. Joseph’s hospital in St. Charles, Missouri. I shoot my second little installment of Lamsonacare. I still learn how to work this new camera. I have lunch. I read. I watch the therapy channel. I wait. While I wait the wound people take off my wound vac because it is a whole system with an electric pump and everything. And St. Joseph’s has their own. So they put on a regular bandage in preparation for my trip over there.

About 3 PM the EMTs arrive. They load me up into the ambulance. We take a nice little trip to scenic St. Charles, Missouri - St. Joseph’s hospital. My new home. Yay!

We arrive at St. Joseph’s. They take me to my new room. The people here seem nice. The tech guy is named Greg. I forget the nurse’s name. Right away though, I like Greg. He seems like a pleasant guy.

After I get settled in, they start the intake process, which means they ask me millions of questions about my medical history which is extensive. However, aside from the obvious cripple guy issues and the infections, I do not have any health problems. So the monotonous part comes when they start asking me about diabetes, heart conditions,  allergies, blah blah blah - and I just have to keep answering, “No no no no no no no…” You get the picture.

So after that shit, I take out my camera to record another installment of Lamsonacare, but it is a very short one. it turns out I spend so much time learning how to use the camera, I already fill up the memory card and the only way to free up some memory unless I want to delete it is to import these files to a computer, which I do not have in the hospital with me.

So I call Mom and ask her to bring her laptop so I can keep this Lamsonacare money machine rolling. She comes up with a better idea. Since I am not blowing money while I am in the hospital, we decide to take some money out of my account and get the cheapest laptop we can find that I can play with while I am in the hospital. But I also need the computer to operate the editing software that comes with the camera. So it is looks like I have to put the filming of Lamsonacare on hiatus for a couple days.

I take time to scan the TV channels at this new place to see if they have that soothing therapy channel that they had at Missouri Baptist. They do not. The closest thing I can find as far as soothing quality goes is this channel where they show a live shot of the hospital chapel 24/7. This is a Catholic hospital so I guess the more devout patients like to turn on this channel while they pray. I guess this is the purpose of this channel, because the chapel is always empty. Aside from a few stragglers coming in to pray, there is never anyone in there. I guess that is why I find it soothing. The silence and all the religious symbols have a calming effect. Even though I am not a religious guy, I appreciate things that are soothing and calming, especially in times like this. Plus I figure the more soothed and calm I am, the more it aids the healing process.

Day 11 (Sunday - April 6)

Nothing happens today. I lay around. I relax. I read my sci fi book about detectives that solve crime on the moon. I order eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, cottage cheese, milk and an apple for breakfast - the same thing I order every morning. They say protein is good for the healing of the wound. I take drugs, a sweet xanax and vicodin cocktail.

My sister visits. She is busy with a new job, so this is the first time she visits me since I am hospitalized. It is a fun visit. We both have the same fucked up sense of humor so we both have a few laughs making fun of stuff. Then my mom shows up, surprising us both. We have a nice family visit.

I am annoyed that I cannot film my stupid movie for a few days while I wait to get a computer in here to work with my camera. Technical problems. What can you do? So I keep myself occupied going back and forth between dozing and reading all day.

I order a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, fries, cottage cheese, milk, an apple and a protein enriched nutritional supplement drink for lunch. I order the same for dinner. I kill the rest of the day lifting weights from bed, doing drugs, dozing and reading until I fall asleep for the night.

Day 12 (Monday - April 7)

Once again, at this new place, thanks to my history as a dirty filthy disease carrier who has had MRSA in the past, I get my own private room with a bed right by the window. It is not the best view in the world. It is just a view of the roof of another building. But it is a window and the light shines in and I can stare out and look at the sky, which I often do.

Mom comes by with a big surprise. She got me a new laptop. It is pretty cool, but since it is a Google Chrome Book it cannot help me for my purposes. It will not let me download the stuff to import files and edit with this new camera. So mom says she will get a Windows operating system to install on this laptop. Another day of no filming of Lamsonacare. Oh well. I figure there will be plenty of time to get footage for this groundbreaking documentary.

Two therapists come by. One of them is this extremely cute little physical therapist. her name is Sarah. The other is this Vietnamese chick. Her name is Tin. They come to get me out of bed and into my chair for a limited amount of time.

My mom brings electric clippers from home the day before. I have a big huge ugly grey beard, but underneath my face is not unpleasant to look at. I just hate shaving sometimes. So the first thing I want to do upon sitting up is shave off my big huge ugly beard. Looking at it in the mirror before I start to shave, I cannot believe how out of control it is. I look like a cross between an old testament prophet, a homeless guy, and an insane Santa Claus.

Sarah is in there kind of helping me set up everything. I cannot get over how cute she is. She is also very nice and pleasant and funny. I like Sara.

So I start the big shave. I am a majority of the way through it and she tells me I look good shaved. She just stands behind me and watches - staring. Then she says, “Wow!” Then she keeps staring and I guess she realizes she is gawking and says, “Sorry,” then leaves like she embarrassed herself.

I think she might be into me. I hope so. But I do not know. I have always been horrible at reading women. So it all just might be in my head. it might just be wishful thinking. But after I finish, she tells me again, “You look good.”

I say, “Well thanks. I feel good.” Woman confuse me when it comes to this stuff, especially pretty ones that are nice. I can never tell when they are being flirty or being nice. I am an idiot in this realm. or maybe I have low self esteem. Maybe both. I do not know. But it is definitely something to explore. I figure I will have plenty of time in the next month or so to see what is what. Who knows? Maybe I have luckily stumbled on to something good here. It seems to happen to me from time to time. Every now and then this dog has his day.

So after I am done shaving, it is time for me to get back into bed, because I am only allowed to sit up for a half hour at a time.

Right after, St. Joseph’s wound doctor and her two nurse assistants come to check out my wound. The doctor is a sexy latina. Her name is Doctor DaValle. She is one of those fun naturally flirty types. You know, the kind who are not really coming on to you, but just because it is fun and kind of funny to be flirtatious . Regardless, I like her. She seems fun, maybe even a little wild, which is rare with the doctors I have come across who usually seem pretty stuffy and boring.

The two therapists are still there. They stay because they want to see what the doctor’s recommendation  will be regarding my physical and occupational therapy. They actually argue a little with her because standing orders from Missouri Baptist say I can get in my chair for a half hour at a time, but Doctor DaValle says, “No.” She wants me to completely stay off my ass wound, which I do not have a problem with because I actually was a little skeptical of letting therapy get me up on my ass wound so soon after surgery. In my experience the only way to heal these pressure sores is to completely stay off them until they heal.

My main attending physician who is overseeing my case comes in to see me. Her name is Doctor Latha Myla. She is a very nice, pretty little Indian lady. She is very pleasant. She is always smiling and always seems genuinely pleased to see me. I have met her before in a previous stay here. She is a nice lady and a good doctor. She seems to actually care. I am proud to have her as a member of the Lamsonacare team.

My infectious disease specialist doctor at this new place pays me a visit. Right away, I like this guy way better than Doctor Orville Assenfucker. This new guy is named Doctor Young. He is a very pleasant guy with twinkly eyes and a nice smile. He also seems to actually like and care about his patients, which is refreshing after some of the fucking self-righteous, snobby asshole doctors I have dealt with. I am pleased to also have Doctor Young as part of the Lamsonacare team of medical professionals.

Overall, I am impressed with the  whole Lamsonacare team I have met today. They all seem to be caring, compassionate, conscientious and competent healthcare professionals. It has been a good day. I get doped up and drift off to sleep in a pleasant drug-induced haze.

Day 13 (Tuesday - April 8)

I wake up. I order breakfast. I read until it comes. I eat my eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and drink my milk. I read my sci fi novel.

My mom comes by with what she thinks is a Windows OS, but it is actually Microsoft Office, which even though I cannot use on my Chromebook because it does not have a Windows OS. but it is not a total loss. It is a good program to have for my purposes for my desktop at home. She says again she will bring by a Windows OS tomorrow. Once again, I need a Windows OS for my new Sony camcorder so I can download the proper editing software and so I can import files from the camera so I can free up memory because my memory card on the camera is full.

However, I am no computer genius but I am starting to suspect that this Chromebook is so simplistic that it is really not meant for this kind of thing. I am even starting to think from all the messing around I have done with this, that Chromebook is not even meant for a Windows OS, but once again it will not be wasted. I can use it on my desktop at home to upgrade my system.

But still I like the Chromebook. It is good for all the fun stuff like this word processing program for example and Facebook and Youtube and e-mail and browsing and stuff like that. You just cannot download and stuff except for their specially approved apps, a lot of which are actually pretty cool.

But anyway, this gives me the idea that even without the camera, I can still keep filming Lamsonacare, using Youtube. Then when my little journey is over, I can have a series of Lamsonacare episodes on Youtube and put all the footage together then edit it down into a 2 or 3 hour documentary.

So not much goes on for the rest of the day. I order the same thing for lunch and dinner. I order grilled ham and cheese sandwich, fries, cottage cheese, milk and my protein supplement drink. This stuff is called Juven. It is supposed to be great for healing wounds.

I spend the rest of the night reading and thinking up ideas for my Lamsonacare movie. I take a vicodin and xanax cocktail and fall asleep.